Did ya hear that one about the hedgehog ...

As an antedote to my sour faced rant, I feel its appropriate to lighten up the mood again with a few crap jokes.
BBC Scotland have picked up a story about the ten funniest jokes in Britain this year.


They were judged to be:

1) Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

2) Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

3) Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

4) Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."

5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

8) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."

9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

Now I have allowed you to have a read through yourself, may I make the observation that if these are the funniest joke from the prestigious Edinburgh Fringe Festival then our humour is in a dire way.

Of course jokes are tricky and it is always in the telling I find that they become funny, ie the funniest joke in the world can fall flat told by someone dull or the crappest can be hilarious told by someone incredibly funny.

Jokes date back to our prehistoric ancestors with the oldest joke believed to be about farting - typical!

Anyway as if the humour wasn't completely dead, time for me to reproduce my favourite joke as told to me by a Mexican waiter to completely kill it stone dead ...

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff
TEQUILA - screeched in a Mexican style voice to sound like to kill her - geddit? Prob not.

On the breadline

1500 applying for 95 supermarket jobs, 900 join army in four months and a major business scrapping its graduate recruitment scheme, times are as bad as any in living memory.

What is to be done about it?

As thousands of young people leave school and university, the chances of employment are slim to the point of anorexic.

Tesco proudly announced today that they received 1,500 applications for jobs at a Co Down branch.

Meanwhile despite the number of army deaths in Afghanistan mounting so high, the MoD hospital are weeks behind in performing autopsies on bodies returned home - and if the Talibans guns don't get you, swine flu will - recruitment is through the roof. 900 people have signed up since April.

As if the redundancies and halt of temping work with the civil service, Northern Ireland's biggest employer is not bad enough, BT had announced they will be stopping their graduate recruitment scheme.

Bleak, bleaker and bleakest however fear not because "business professionals" are feeling confident again...

Wahey, because we all have confidence in that crowd....

Bitter? Me? Pah!