Shuffling into oblivion

So the big day has dawned, I awoke with a smile and whistled cheerfully as I went about my morning ablutions because today was to be a special day, the day I would to have the power - well part of the power - to decide which three of our good for nothing politicians got a job.

Instead of lying to us the electorate and spending their ill claimed expenses, politicians across the UK are today pleading and promising us anything to get our vote.

Like the episode of the Simpson's where Mr Burns offers Lisa a pretty pony for her compliance, our politicians will pretty much say anything to get our number one - big up to Peter Robinson for promising to give up his multiple jobs ie. he will stand down as MP but only if the east Belfast constituency association will let him!

Blasted small print

In my humble opinion the best candidates to vote for, in terms of the job we are giving them in the European Parliament, are Alban Maguinness and Jim Allister.

However this is Northern Ireland where things are seldom as they seem.

If Jim Allister is elected, he will use that mandate to try and collapse the Assembly so the DUP say but there again, turkeys don't vote for Christmas or in this case Allister. However you can't exactly imagine Jim cosying up to McGuinness like Paisley and Robbo have been doing of late.

He was also, in a surprise move, declared best UK MEP by the taxpayers alliance - see link

Although by no means a TUV supporter I have enjoyed his campaign, particularly the posters stating - vote for me because THEY don't want you to, implication being THEY some sort of satanic demons instead of our own First and deputy First Ministers.

Bouncing back to the poll, instead of aforementioned qualified candidates Shinner Bairbre deBrun, although by all accounts a hard worker but nonetheless who has zero experience with the law, is likely to top of the poll.

Coming in second, former teacher, former MLA, former housewife and expense claimer extraordinaire - well can you really imagine Nigel spending THAT much on food - is hardly much better.

Third at this stage is most likely to be Jim Nicholson, another career politician fighting it to the death with Alban Maguinness and Jim Allister.

Then businessman Ian Parsley and community worker Steven Agnew bringing up the rear.

The choice from this wheel of fortune, fair readers, is yours!